I’M IN LOVE WITH CHRIS PINE

Want to know a secret? I had the coronavirus and had to self-isolate for 14 days in my friend’s family’s basement. During that time, I watched a lot of movies and thought, “You know what would give me an activity for the next two hours? Writing reviews for all the movies I’ve watched.” So here it is, my very unserious movie reviews. 

*In no particular order*

Rocketman

The first movie I watched while the coronavirus seeped through my veins. Great music. Great acting. Elton John is a beautiful, angel man who was a product of the industry but managed to pull himself out of a pit and into a life he wanted. He’s also like 20 years sober which is very cool. Taron Egerton is hot. It’s interesting how similar Elton John’s experiences were to Freddie Mercury, especially since John Reid was Elton and Queen’s manager. 

Ocean’s Eleven

I mean, these movies are truly a classic. Brad Pitt? Check. George Clooney? Check. Criminals that you root for and hope succeed in their crime? Check. All around it was very entertaining and stylish. The way they pull off the heist is really unexpected and exciting. Music and score is good. Does it paint a picture of Las Vegas casinos that makes it look glamorous and not filled with 50 year old moms in sweatpants? Yes. 

Ocean’s Twelve

Do you need me to list out all the reasons I wrote for the first movie? No. It has all the same appeal as Ocean’s Eleven and makes me think I could pull off an incredible heist. Is it better than the first one? Not really, but Julia Roberts pretends to be herself and I think that’s awesome. Also Bruce Willis has a cameo and that’s just funny. 

Ella Enchanted

Watching this movie is like jumping into a pool to reach for a diving toy. It’s nostalgic, it’s pointless, and you can’t quite put your figure on why you enjoy it. Alas, I will try. The fact that it's set in medieval times but is also riddled with pop culture references and also a shopping mall, is strange. I still find it entertaining, but in a quirky, off-kilter way. The music in this movie is fun though, and Anne Hathaway singing Somebody To Love is iconic. 

The Man From Uncle

This is one of my top three favorite movies of all time. It’s just incredible. If you haven’t seen it, then you should probably stop reading this right now and go watch it. I set my laptop on the toilet seat, lit a candle, and watched this movie in the bathtub. The soundtrack of this movie is literally flawless, Alicia Vikander’s character wears beautiful outfits, and there is not one but TWO spies who, for lack of a better word, are HOT. Guy Ritchie is the director and the way he films this movie is so cool and really makes it feel like a 60’s spy movie. Watch it. 

Fantastic Mr. Fox

This movie is perfect. I will, however, admit that I originally watched this movie because it was the favorite movie of a boy I was in love with. It didn’t work out. The one good thing that came from this unrequited love is an appreciation for this wonderful film. It’s sarcastic, subtle, and stylish (Nice alliteration, Bridge!). While this movie is animated, it has the same pacing and structure as a real life movie, so it hits differently than anything by Disney. It's 100% one of those films that gets better and better each time I see it.

Star Trek

I’m in love with Chris Pine. Also, I'm a sucker for a bad boy with a good heart who ends up saving the day. Which is pretty much the plot of this movie. It’s got lots of action and he gets into a few fist fights. He is pretty much my dream guy and that’s all I have to say. 

Frozen 2 Documentary Series

I cried real tears in this series and pretty much fell in love with Frozen 2 and everyone who worked on it. All the animators worked tirelessly for years on like 6 minutes of content that might make it into the movie. So much thought goes into every moment and so many artists worked on it and I am in awe. Just watch it ok? Watch it and love it. 

The Wedding Date

If you hire a male escort to be your date to a wedding, you’re going to fall in love with him. At least when that male escort is played by Dermot Mulroney and is very attractive and charming. I actually really enjoyed this movie because the main character, Kat, is awkward and tactless but also extremely likable. You root for her because she feels relatable, not pitiful. The number of Michael Buble songs in this movie has renewed an old obsession (don’t check my Spotify history). This is the kind of movie where you rewind to all your favorite scenes right after the credits roll.

Because I Said So

This movie had me howling. If someone took my lame life and turned it into a PG-13 movie- it would be this. This movie follows a mother and three daughters who are all very close. The older two daughters are happily married, while the youngest is perpetually single (sound vaguely like my life yet?). The mother goes on a hunt to find the right guy for her kid to marry. Obviously that’s a terrible idea, so it doesn’t go well. But, the similarities between my life and the fictional movie life almost make up for the fact that this movie isn’t very good. Almost. 

My Best Friend’s Wedding

Did I look up Dermot Mulroney movies after I watched The Wedding Date? Absolutely. That’s pretty much how I ended up with this movie. It’s got all the staples of a late 90’s romcom: Julia Roberts, oversized blazers, and a weird group musical number to I Say A Little Prayer that literally no one saw coming. Overall, I liked this one and thought the ending was very appropriate. Also, I love Julia Roberts but her character in this movie is kinda the worst. 

Elizabethtown

Woah woah woah how has this movie been kept a secret for so long? Orlando Bloom plays a shoe designer who is a big fat failure but then his dad dies and he has to go get his body from Kentucky. Mix in a perky flight attendant, Paula Dean in an acting role, and a cross country road trip montage and this is what you get. A heartfelt movie about reconnecting with your family and also how confusing the highways in Kentucky are. Perfect for a sleepover feat. wine and popcorn.

Raise Your Voice

I first want to mention that 2003-2005 really was a peak time in Hilary Duff's career and we owe her so much. Do I think Raise Your Voice is the best of HD’s movies? Not a chance, I mean have you seen A Cinderella Story? Regardless, Raise Your Voice is… cute. It’s predictable, heartfelt, and completely auto-tuned. This movie did help me realize that frosted tips are kind of attractive and that I would marry Jay in a heartbeat. He’s a bad boy with a good heart (starting to see a pattern? Me too). 

The Aftermath

Period piece, Kiera Knightly, German architect, sounds like a dream right? Well, mix in a little extramarital affair, a heartbroken Alexander Skarsgard, and a disappointing ending and that’s pretty much what you’re in for in The Aftermath. The only character I actually liked got screwed in the end. Don’t get me wrong, I think flawed characters are important in movies in order to seem more relatable, but I just couldn’t decide who to root for. Maybe that’s the point, but the negative aspects to each character made it hard to get truly attached. Sorry. I am team Alexander and I stand by that statement. 

Divergent

A good ole rewatch if I’ve ever seen one. I honestly love this movie. I think it is close enough to the book that I wasn’t mad at it and also the characters were well cast. This movie makes me think that if I was faced with a really scary situation, that I could be a bada** and jump off trains and climb buildings. Also, can we talk about the Shailene Woodley, Ansel Elgort, Miles Teller thing going on? Weird. 

Insurgent

I realized that i’ve only seen this movie once (prob 4 years ago) and couldn’t remember the book very well so I watched it with really fresh eyes. I do know that it has some major differences to the book (paintball scene) and that's kind of annoying. The first one is better and I can’t help but be annoyed with Tris this whole movie. Something about Four and Tris’s romance is less believable but I can’t put my finger on why. 

Coyote Ugly

A girl moves to New York to chase her dreams of being a songwriter and ends up bartending at Coyote Ugly, a trashy bar full of ogling men who feast their eyes on the beautiful, midriff baring, bartenders/dancers. Is it a strip club? No. Do they dance on the bar to country songs? Ya. Just bear that in mind. Aside from the bar, the movie includes a sweet romance, father/daughter relationship, and overcoming fear to chase your dreams. 

Sky High

Ah, my final quarantine movie review. Sky High is one of those movies that you convince yourself is cheesy and stupid but deep down its pretty dang good. There are more than a few quotable moments and has enough plot to keep you engaged. It’s appropriately corny and checks all the boxes for a highschool/superhero/coming-of-age movie from 2005. Hot take: Layla should have ended up with Warren Peace.

14 days and 18 movies later, I’m free. I hope you enjoyed these ridiculous reviews as much as I enjoyed the watching and the writing.

Don’t forget, it’s just Not That Serious. Thank you and goodnight.

Bridget Walton